I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
