I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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