can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
