i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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