Don't make out with my wife yet
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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