We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
