i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
