rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
