were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
