to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
