so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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