I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
