you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize