You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
