you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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