Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
