wanna go halves on a baby?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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