Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
