I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize