remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
