I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
