Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
