just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
