Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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