just survived the first fart of the relationship.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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