well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
