textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
