You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I want a musical about memes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
