The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
