I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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