The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
