Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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