You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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