they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
