i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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