he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
