time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
