I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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