The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
