my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
