Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize