I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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