you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
