I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
