Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
