If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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