i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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