ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
