Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
