he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
