GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
