I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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