I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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