I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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