Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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