Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
