he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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