honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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