so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
