last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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