Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
