dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
