She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
