Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She's the barista slut.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
