After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
