life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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