There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
