Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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