I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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