There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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