The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
