yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
