I want to have your abortion
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
