In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize